


This is how it should have been

by sannidings



Category: Actor RPF, Hannibal (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 17:56:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12137958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sannidings/pseuds/sannidings
Summary: They realise they don't do it for their character, but for themself.





	This is how it should have been

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kmo/gifts).



> Holy shit, so I am back! 
> 
> It took me long enough to get my inspiration back, but finally I found it and I am so greatful!  
> I missed writing, but simply couldn't get a sentence straight.  
> And I have depths to pay, so beware, there is a lot coming your way in the following days/weeks again.  
> Have fun with this story I wrote for KMO as a "payment" for a charity thibgy we participated in.  
> If I can remember the name, I will add it to their collection:)

* * *

Her lips left his after the chaste moment of intimacy their characters shared, her eyes still closed, trying to figure out what it was that Bedelia had to say as her mind stays blank, but the feeling of his lips on hers lingers.

It’s not the first take today, and probably won’t be the last, the easy scene causing both actors great trouble. They should be able to do this, she tells herself, as she opens her eyes, they should be able to make such a small scene without needing take after take because there is an issue each time their lips connect. Lighting, position everything already has been corrected to the producers liking, but somehow they were not able to part from one another during their last scene together.

“Ok, let’s give it another try. Gillian, here’s your script, I know it has been a long day, if you like, you can read it over again,” the assistant presents her with a moment for herself to collect her thoughts.

She excuses herself for a moment, taking the script with her and heading to the small room that serves as her wardrobe. When the door closed behind her, she leans against it, exhaling the breath she didn’t remember holding.

That scene was about to cost her her reputation as a professional actress if they continued like this. She placed the script on the small dressing table, the lines were in her head, she knew them, but why wasn’t she able to get them out in the right moment? Why did they have to resume the scene over and over again without getting it right? As if answering her silent question her lips tingled where they just had touched his and she chuckled silently into the empty room. Oh. Yeah. That.

Looking into the mirror behind the dressing table she recognized the slight pink color of her cheeks. She knew the answer, if she was honest with herself.

Before getting into the thoughts any further, there was a small knock on her door, her assistant announcing they would start again in 5.

“Coming,” she answered through the closed door, throwing one last glance into the mirror and then grabbing the script and heading out into the living room of the rented Florence apartment.

Their eyes met over the crowded room, and she could see the small question in his eyes. “You ok?” he mouthed silently and she returned his question with a nod and a small smile. He bared his teeth in a smile at her, a smile that brought back the tingle again and she already could imagine that the next scene also would end in a disaster.

* * *

He watches her leaving the room with the script in her hands, and he can already see the break for what is was. A small time out for her to get her thoughts back on track.

And so should probably he himself, too. He licks his lips, still feeling the light pressure of her delicate curved lips on his, her taste, the softness, the tingle they leave when she parts from him.

Mads isn’t entirely sure how many times he had already kissed her today, but the more they try, the worse it gets. It’s not her fault, he can already see the crew frowning and second guessing her professionalism. He knows better, he knows how good she is, has seen her many times in outstanding roles and was eager to work with her from the beginning on.

But this eagerness has turned into a longing, a longing that he should restrain, but isn’t. If just any of the crew members that are wrinkling their foreheads at her sudden absence would have kissed her just one time, they would have been as spellbound as he was.

And he dreaded the fact that this would be their last day of filming together. In a way he was utterly grateful that they were messing up this simple scene over and over again, it just gave him the opportunity to kiss her all over again and spend some well treasured time with her.

Before he can complete his way of thoughts she is back, flustered pink cheeks making the tingle even more prominent than it had been seconds ago.

They are ushered into their right place, and he knows they have to make it right this time before they will call it a day. His hand gasps hers, their fingers instantly interlacing and it seems as if she had been deep in thoughts too, because their eyes connect and he sees the surprise in hers.

“Come, one last time,” he encourages her, and before they knew it, the producer calls “Cut” and the whole crew is breathing a sigh of relief, while neither of the actors believing that this should have been it, their last scene together.

* * *

They get separated after that, everyone bustling around them to clean up the set, to prepare the filming for the coming day and somehow he lost sight of her blonde locks in the crowd. Mads follows his assistant into his wardrobe, taking in all the instructions for the following day. His first and foremost desire is to take a smoke outside on the patio, and he is relieved beyond everything when he is finally permitted to do so.

* * *

That’s where she sees him next, after being ushered out of the room by her own assistant. He is there, still in his pressed suit, eyes closed, inhaling the smoke from the cigarette deeply into his lungs. She leans into the glass door that stands open, watching him, enjoying the sight before her before she has to leave and catch a flight back home to her kids and her empty townhouse.

Making her presence known she steps onto the gravel that is covering the small patio floor, the crunching of her steps suddenly too loud. She steps next to him the railing, leaning her back against it, watching him further.

Their eyes meet and her lips part due to the tingling that suddenly is back against her lips where they just had shared the last kiss for the day. The look in his eyes resembles her feelings, and suddenly all she wanted to say is stuck in her throat and she find herself speechless for the first time in his company.

Gillian is glad when he breaks the silence around them, even if she had felt comfortably wrapped up in it.

“You know, I really think they should have had a proper love scene. For everyone to see.”

Her brows knit together and she has to try and figure out what he means with what he said, so engrossed in her own thoughts had she been.

Gladly he is rescuing her again when he notices that she struggles to follow him, her mind still occupied with other thoughts.

“Bedelia and Hannibal,” he adds.

Her answers confirms his thoughts, the small “Oh” passing her lips telling more than every other word she could have said to him. Her cheeks are turning into that beautiful pink again and he can’t help himself while stepping closer to her. She inhales audible, taking in his scent, filling her nostrils with the tint of smoke that surrounds him and that other smell that is unmistakable him. Gillian feels her lips run dry and her line of sight darts down to his lips, and suddenly there is a lump forming in her throat and the tingle is back.

He takes another step towards her, invading her private space, and she feels like she is about to faint from their closeness that’s not THEM but them now. She snaps out of her trance when he starts to whisper to her, his warm breath brushing against her ear, making the small hairs on the back of her neck stand upright. “Come here tonight, wear the blue dress from when we… they danced. I’ll be waiting for you.” The last part was chocked out hastily, as if he was afraid that his voice might give out due to nervousness.

Before she can utter her reply, still too shocked to think straight, he is gone, and she is grateful that no one is there because the next moment a sound, somewhere between a sob and a moan leaves her mouth uncontrolled and propellers her back into the now and there.

She has to grab the railing of the patio to steady herself while all her senses come back to her and she realizes what he just said to her.

* * *

Her thoughts are all over the place from that moment on, while she makes her way to her wardrobe, shedding Bedelia du Maurier and becoming Gillian Anderson again. They swirl around the day, what had happened, and what could happen. She ponders if she should go, and follow his invitation, wonders what would be the right thing to do while getting her clothes back to her assistant.

And then there was his request to wear the Machesa dress again. She wonders if she should ask for it right away or maybe she could come up with an excuse so that it would be more plausible that she wanted to borrow it for one night?

While handing over the bag with the clothes from the day, her eyes fell onto the gown, tucked away in a plastic bag. Her assistant caught her line of sight and smiles at her. “It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?” she says and smiles a longing smile into the direction of the dress. Gillian nods, strolling to the dress and touching it through the plastic. Without looking at the wardrobe assistant, she wonders aloud. ”I wonder if I could borrow it for… a charity thing I am working on,” she says and instantly feels bad for using her work as an excuse to spend her night with her co actor in that particular dress.

The wardrobe assistant hesitates one moment, but after thinking it over she nods. “I can just spare it for one night,” she says, “then you have to hand it back. But one night is ok,” she smiles down at Gillian, while taking the dress from the hanger and handing the plastic bag over to her.

Gillian is surprised, but able to compose herself before she lets it show. She crandles the bag of the dress to her chest, hugging it in fear that it will be taken away from her again because this just had been too easy, she muses.

But before she knows, she is out of the wardrobe, the bag still in her hand, heading to the car that’s waiting for her to take her to her hotel room.

* * *

Later, when her rental car stops in front of the building they had rented to shoot the scenes, there is no light, and suddenly she feels like the biggest fool on earth. He must have meant it another way, not like she understood it.

Her knuckles turn white while she grabs the steering wheel with more force than necessary and sinks her head. Gillian closes her eyes, exhaling and shifting uncomfortable in her seat because of the gown she is wearing. Why had she come here? What had possessed her to follow this blunt invitation for mindless sins?

She is about to turn the key in the ignition again when there is a small slice of light flitting through the drawn curtains. It’s enough for her to stumble out of the car, the chilly air hitting her bare shoulders while she bundles the fabric of the dress in her hand to hurry over the street as fast as possible to get into the warmth again.

She pushes the door, surprised to find it open and slips in unnoticed to the people on the street. She locks the door from the inside, and heads up the stairs to the flat where she believes him waiting for her.

The door to the apartment stands open just a bit, but the light is flooding through the crack of the door, giving the hallway a soft glow. Gillian slips in, the warmth enveloping her and warming her night air cooled skin. Her heels seem too loud on the hardwood floor of the hallway as she makes her way inside, and they certainly also have drawn the attention of the men that’s stepping out of the kitchen with a tall glass of beer in his hand.

She smiles nervously as she spots him, the suit a different one like what he had worn today, but definitely one of the suits intended to be worn by Hannibal Lecter. It’s the perfect mix from both of them, Mads love for beer and the suits Hannibal is supposed to wear and suddenly she realizes how good he looks in the suits designed for him.

* * *

The clicking of her heels alerted him of her presence, and he breathes a sigh of relief. He feared she would not show up, not sure about the mysterious invitation he had uttered so hasty into her ear. He could still smell the perfume she wore, could still taste her on his lips and all he wanted was more. More of her, more of them, more of everything.

Looking at her in front of him now made it crystal clear for him that all his waiting was worth it. The way the dress hugged her petite form, enveloping her in a flow of gold and blue, while the light from the set up candles and the fireplace reflecting on it was making him dizzy with want and need.

He offered her his arm and smiled at her while announcing “Shall we?”

Gillian nodded, enchanted by the set up in the flat he had prepared. The candles were illuminating the luxury scenery, the fireplace radiating warmth that spread to every fiber of her body. Or might it be him, looking so unbelievable good tonight?

He escorted her into the kitchen, setting his beer glass down on the counter where they had filmed so many scenes, taking a glass from the cupboard and pouring her a glass of water without needing to ask what she would have. This was them, Mads and Gillian. No luxuries like wine or special drinks, just his favorite brand of beer and no alcohol at all for her.

They clinked glasses with a smile on their lips, never taking their eyes off one another, while taking a sip from their drinks.

“I ordered a small dinner for us, if you haven’t eaten already?” he asked, his voice sounding loudly into the silence that surrounded them.

“I am starving,” she admitted with a shy smile and he leads her further to the dining table, a meal set for two, still steaming and illuminated with the chandelier of wax dripping candles next to them. The atmosphere feels perfect, she muses, while digging into her food, suddenly aware of how hungry she had been. Until now, she didn’t even thought about eating, too nervous to get anything down. But now, with him in front of her, the crackling fireplace soothing her, she feels she finally could relax and nourish her body.

They eat in silence, stealing glances and smiles from one another, their feet touching every now and then.

And then, all of a sudden they both feel the tingling creeping back on them, when their hands touch while she helps him cleaning up the plates and leftovers. She holds his gaze, their finger still touching until she can’t bare it anymore and looks away and heads into the kitchen.

She cleaned aways the plates in the sink while he had the dessert prepared and Gillian thought she could take it to the table as well. Nefore she cpuld set it down, he shakes his head and leads her to the couch in front of the fireplace to have their dessert there.

Sitting down next to each other, they dive into their dessert, devouring the delicious chocolate and lemon treat he got them.

Neither of them had said more than necessary until now, and Gillian wonders if they will talk at all, or if it will all be left unspoken. The feeling of the ticking clock, the seconds and minutes passing and the night growing later and later leaves her with an unsettling feeling of dread that this will end all too soon. She knows she has to make a step forward, to break the spell that’s wavering between them and so she offers him a spoon full of the chocolate cake he had gotten her.

There is no hesitation while he takes the spoon into his mouth, enveloping it with his lips and taking the sweet cake from it while swirling his tongue around the metal to clean it up, his gaze never leaving her in the process.

Gillian sucks in a breath, if anything she could describe what just had happened with words she would call it silverware porn. She sinks the spoon down onto the dessert plate when he is finished, not one moment losing the eye contact they had formed.

Mads decided to repeat her movement when taking a spoon of his lemon cake and offering it to her. Still neither of them broke their gaze, but when her lush lips close around his silverware he has to avert his gaze in fear of embarrassing himself right in front of her. He breathes out, his heart pounding loud in his chest and he fears she might could hear how much he wants this.

When his eyes meet hers again, he is surprised to see more in them then mere seconds before. They are dark with want, the baby blue of the sky morphed into the deep endless depth of the ocean. Neither of them could make out who moved first, when their lips crashed together, sucking, tasking and biting hungry at each other.

Gillian can taste the lemon cake on him when her tongue brushed agaonst his, with a hint of cigarettes and beer and a whimper of desire leaves her as he unexpectedly scoops her up into his arms and pushes his way through the apartment in the direction of the bedroom.

The dessert is forgotten while they bump their way to the other room, hitting furniture and disturbing filming equipment on their way to their destination .

Her dress feels scratchy against his hands that he had tightly wound around her body and her highheels lost somewhere on the way to the bedroom while her feet dangle a few centimeters over the floor.

They let go of one another, when he sets her down onto the bedroom floor, her bare feet cold against the wooden floorboards. Loosing her shoes brings her down just to his chest and she has to look up to him to make eue contact.

She turns, just like Bedelia would and asks him to unzip the dress, since it would be impossible to get it off any other way. It pools around her ankles when his shaking fingers finally seem to be able to gasp the zipper and his breath is taken away just like the first time he has seen her like this.

“God, Gillian you are so beautiful,” he breathes out, remembering too late that this should have been about their roles, not about them. But it’s too late now, and when she turns and their eyes lock again she feels it too. This is them, shedding their roles and becoming their true self again, and he while looking at her, realize it’s not Bedelia and Hannibal that need a proper love scene, it’s them, needing each other.

She knows it is real when his mouth closes on her own again, and she breathes a sigh of relief out, grateful she has not to hide behind one of her characters anymore and could totally be herself. The way he is responding to her touchand her kisses confirm that it’s her he wants, not an image or a role of her.

He has no idea how he was able to shed his clothes as fast as he did, but when he feels her warm skin against his, their limbs tangled on the bed, their bodies moving in the same rhythm, pushing, rolling, gliding, he knows they made the right decision.

Feeling her body underneath his, savoring and worshipping her in all possible ways, kissing, nipping and sucking until their last earthshattering crescendo together just makes him feel boneless. He is shuddering like missing a new found addiction, while separating their bodies from one another, draping the sheet over them and both of them trying to calm down their hard ragged breaths.

When he opens his eyes again her endless blue ones connects with his maroons and when a small smile is forming on her lips, he can’t stop himself from burying her further into him and letting out a strangled sound between a sigh and choke. Mads closes his eyes again, inhaling the scent from her hair while her small hands wind their way around his body as well, bringing him to her and stroking his heated skin.

Thats when she feels it too, the dread to leave, the ticking clock back in her mind when she spies the first rays of sunlight through the curtains. And all of a sudden she wishes she doesn’t have to leave, that she could stay like this longer, maybe forever?


End file.
